everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
