I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
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I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
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It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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