if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
