You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Non-Jews are for practice
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
