and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
