As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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