Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
