My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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