I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
