Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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