Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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