I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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