I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
