Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
