The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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