This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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