It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
