Jerry, you need to find god
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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