P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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