she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
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I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
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I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
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