Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
