I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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