A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
