Did you just see the Batmobile???
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
