drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
