yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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