arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
