Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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