Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
