you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
