His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
