I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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