new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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