# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
