so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
