Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
