I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
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Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
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Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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