ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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