i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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