you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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