I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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