One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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