i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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