We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
