it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
