I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
