i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
