we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
