What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
