So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
