She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Randomize
