babies were throwing up all over the place
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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