I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
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