i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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