I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
