i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
my poor anus
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
