just tell him i said nine months
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
