i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize