Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
