Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
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