How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
