My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
