She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize