I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Randomize
