just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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