Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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