i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
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