Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down