i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Deaf chicks here I come
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.