Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
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I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
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Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts