I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
