Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Randomize
