I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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