Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
