we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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