I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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