nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
