foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
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we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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